As an only child for the first twelve years of my life and then being significantly older than my sister, I grew up comfortable spending time by myself. As I got older, I realized that while I enjoyed sharing time with others, I needed my alone time to feel most grounded and fulfilled.

As much as I enjoyed being joined at the hip with whomever I was dating, the need for me to remain true to my individual self was still there. Sometimes that could mean we participated together in activities important to me. Other times it meant I needed to do things on my own.

Either way it was clear to me that relationships and individuality should be able to live together harmoniously. Needing me time didn't mean there was something wrong with my romance. It just meant I needed my time. After all, we get into relationships because we are attracted to another individual, who is also connecting to us as individuals.  So why wouldn't Love be understanding and supportive of personal growth and expression as well?

I know, I know. That sounds good logically, but love and emotion aren't always centered in logic. I know it sounds impossible to explain it to your romantic partner in a way that makes them feel secure and inspires support. Chances are, no matter how delicately you stated it, they would only hear: It's not you, it's me. I just need a little space. etc. Wouldn't it be hard for YOU to believe those words knowing they're breakup clichés. However, I do know from personal experience, Balancing Self & Love is possible with the right action, attention and communication. 

When I found the right person, individual time wasn’t an issue for either of us. Were we happy to take the time and space to pursue the things we each enjoyed. We didn’t see the time apart as a sign of trouble in the relationship but rather felt it was necessary for our long term stability.  Apparently, this was an uncommon viewpoint. Some people feel that once you're in a relationship you are supposed to do everything together and your only focus should be on the relationship. 

To this day, our friends think it strange that we continue to pursue activities of personal importance both with and without the other person. All I can do is share my experience and perspective: when you exchange your personal identity for your romantic one, who is left for your partner to be with in the relationship? Are they even with YOU anymore? And are you even happy or fulfilled? Or would reconnecting with your authentic self help you to be a better version of you and a better partner? Just sayin.

When you’ve been with someone past the initial high of having a new romance, and you’ve come down from the clouds back into the realms of daily life and responsibilities; you’ll hear a calling. It may be soft for a while but eventually it will start to pull on you. It will be a call from your intuition to reconnect with some of those things you might have put on the shelf while you were all boo’d up, it happens to us all… lol. 

You need those outlets to continue to be you. There’s nothing wrong with focusing on both your needs as an individual and your role as a partner. After all, you need both a car and keys to go for a drive; both food and water to survive don't you?   

It is part of my mission to live by example and to support others in honoring individuality, deepening romantic connection and nurturing growth for ourselves and our relationships. 

It’s time to give yourself permission to define your relationship on needs and terms that matter to you and your partner. It’s time to relieve the pressure and heal the guilt you may feel from unrealistic familial, societal or other outside expectations. You CAN evolve and express yourself personally while nurturing the healthy and loving relationship of your dreams. 

I invite you and your partner to join us in sharing ideas and resources, learning new skills, and supporting each other as we continue down the path of Balancing Self & Love!

See you there,

Kendall